How to make female friends (as a grown ass woman)

When I was 24 I relocated from Kentucky to Florida. I didn’t know a single soul. Seriously, no family, no friends, no coworkers or classmates… it was just me and my dog, Bailey.

As we get older, I find that friendships can become more difficult especially when you’re trying to make new friends. However, it’s not impossible and doesn’t have to be difficult.

Women are meant to bond. Women are to meant to lift each other up. Women are meant to be connected. I absolutely cherish female friendships and I truly believe they are needed.

Will there be women who want to tear you down and throw shade? Of course, there’s always going be bad friends experiences with friendships, but for the most part, female friendships are essential to my life and I have some of the best women eva’ in my tribe. I don’t take that lightly.

My tips to meeting new female friends (as a grown ass woman)

Reach out

Most women will be excited if you reach out to them personally. It can be something as simple as “Hey, I saw where you posted you love bacon doughnuts! There’s a new coffee shop near my place and I heard they have the best maple bacon glaze. Would you like to check it out with me?”

Even if she can’t go, she will generally return the favor with a different invite.

… or maybe hanging out seems too much too soon? Why not hit them up and share something personal. My best friend of 21 years became my bestie because she called me in 6th grade to let me know I left my crayon box in her bookbag and just to chat.

We’ve been sister-friends ever since.

Don’t be afraid to put yourself out there, girl.

Be a “yes” girl

When someone invites you to do something, say yes even if it makes you a little nervous! When I moved to Florida, I told myself that I would try one new thing a month. I went parasailing, I raced on racetracks, I danced on tabletops in clubs (sorry, mom!). I allowed myself to experience new things and guess what? I met new people.

Join groups and organizations you enjoy

Join your local gym or studio and take group classes. Join Meet-up and actually go the meetup events. Sign-up for girlfriend social. Become a part of Yelp Elite if your city has one. Attend events around the area. Become apart of organizations such as Urban League Young Professionals (there’s chapters in most big cities). Volunteer. Join local facebook groups. Basically put yourself in the position to actually meet new people with shared interest.

Be open

Ask yourself what you would want in a female friend and become that. Don’t be judgemental. Don’t be mean. Don’t be closed-off. Actually, be open to meeting new people and be enjoyable to be around (no one likes negative-Nancy or bragging-Betty).

I asked the women from my girl-gang to give their advice when it comes to making friends as an adult…. here’s what they had to say:

Eliminate the beneficial aspects of friendship. Get together because of common interests but not necessarily each other’s ability to reach a goal. Be thorough and encouraging yet set appropriate boundaries.

-My best friend and Ace Boon coon of 21 years…. Jessica Gardner.

People often search for commonalities when seeking new friendships. We should Accept people the way they are despite differences. I value the uniqueness within my friendships. None of us are alike which is the beauty of having all of them as friends.

-My sistafriend of 12 years, Trenatee Solomon

Smile… it’s the best first impression, and its inviting. Also, every meet up does not have to be out spending money. Chilling at each others house is also spending quality time with eachother.

-My girlfrannnn, Shaquonda Baker

Find people you actually have something in common with.

– My girlfrannnn, Brandi O’neal

Just listening goes a long way, sometimes people need your support without the judgement

My girlfrannnn, Heather Fletcher aka heatherfitfoodie

Be honest and let your guard down. It’s hard to make friends when your guard is up and you’re in protection mode

My girlfrannnn, Victoria Roberts

Know yourself and what kind of friends you want to make. It sounds woo woo but I’m a huge believer in the enneagram and personality tests because I know there are some types of people that aren’t healthy for me to be in a relationship. There’s also other ppl that my personality may be toxic for. Female friendships have to be intentional and purposeful in order to thrive. When you know yourself (strengths, flaws, shortcomings, areas of expertise) then you can find friends that compliment you, challenge you, and add value to your life

– My girlfrannnn, Kay Hillman

When it comes to making female friends you have to find places where like minded women hang out, then show up, be ope and approachable. Then be less interesting and more interested. What I mean is often people show up to impress others instead of getting to know the people in the room. Start a dialogue, ask questions and listen to what’s being shared, not simply so you can respond but to identify similarities and common interests. People or naturally drawn to people like them which fosters organic connections.

– My girlfrannnn, Ebony, Owner of Soulstruck Republic

Be supportive, non judgmental and put yourself in a position to be of service to those you aspire to be like. 😇 you learn to be supportive of other women and in return you learn so much!

My girlfrannnn, Rosalyn aka poshandpoor

How to maintain female friendships

Communication. Communication. Communication.
I can’t say this enough. If your friend makes you made or does something that annoys you to the point where you no longer want to be her friend, please let her know especially if you know she has a good heart.

We’re in a society where people praise cutting people off and not letting the other party know why. I don’t believe in ghosting people, especially those who you have a relationship or friendship with. I think as adults we need to be able to communicate why we no longer want to be someone’s friend or why we are feeling a certain way.

Communicate with your friends and allow them the opportunity to at least address it and/or correct it. If your friend is always 2 hours late to events, tell her. Let her know that it bothers you to the point where you no longer want to hang out with her. Give her an opportunity to change (because believe me, people actually can change).

We’re so quick to forgive our boyfriends, husbands and significant others time and time again when they do things that annoy us but the minute our friend does something we don’t like, we’re quick to cut them off. Don’t be that person.

I have voiced with my friends that if they are upset with me to please let me know. I won’t be mad and all I ask is that they give me opportunity to explain myself, change or agree its time to part ways. I’m not a mind reader. No one is. Communication saves friendships. Communication keeps friendships.

Having female friends is so important but do you know what’s even better? Being a friend! Giving to others benefits our emotional, physical, spiritual and mental well-being. And, when we give to our friends – be it our time, attention, love, care – we almost instantaneously boost our energy levels. We feel happier and healthier than before and it evokes a greater sense of gratitude for the people in our lives.

Do you have any advice when it comes to making new female friends? Share below!


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Photos by Karis Joy Photography

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