how to reconnect with someone you stopped talking to

how to reconnet with someone you stopped talking to

Friends make life worthwhile. They’re there to lift our spirits when we’re down, teach us lessons and just make life more enjoyable.

Friendship is fantastic but it’s not always easy, and sometimes, you find yourself missing an old friend. Perhaps y’all grew apart, maybe something happened that split you up or time just got in front of the friendship. Whatever the reason, sometimes it’s not too late and it’s not impossible to reconnect with someone you stopped talking to especially if they were a good friend and you miss them.

Why you should reconnect with old friends

how to reconnect with someone you stopped talking to

There are many reasons why you should reconnect with old friends, here are a few:

1. You have a history with that person

Old friends knew an older version of you. They remind you of where you’re from, who you used to be, and even how much you’ve grown as a person.

2. They “get” certain parts of you

Inside jokes that bring a hint of nostalgia? Old friends will give you that.

3. Catch up

Sometimes people change profoundly with time. It’s nice to know how/if that friend has changed and what road of life that person has traveled.

4. Reconnect

It is possible to rekindle friendships. I say this from experience.  You have a past, and by reconnecting with someone you used to talk, you can rekindle that friendship for the future.

how to reconnect with an old friend

How to reconnect with someone you stopped talking to

1. Know your why

Before you reach out to someone wanting to reconnect, ask yourself WHY you want to reconnect with that person and why you lost touch to begin with? Do you want to reconnect with them because you genuinely care and miss them? Do you want to reconnect because you ended on bad terms, and you want to apologize? Do you want to reconnect because you moved away? Do you want to reconnect because you’re lonely and just want someone, anyone, around?

Sincerely ask yourself WHY you want to connect with a person before reaching out. Make sure you’re reaching out because you miss them or want to be back on good terms. Don’t reconnect with someone simply because you’re lonely.

2. Draft up what you will say

Whether you’re reaching out to them via a Facebook message, text message, or a phone call. It’s best to be prepared. What will you say? What points do you want to get across? How will you contact them?

3. Keep it short,  sweet, and honest

Be straightforward, and don’t ramble.

Here are some examples of what to say to reconnect with old friends:

  • Hey, I saw something the other day that made me think of you…
  • It’s been ages since we’ve talked, how have you been? Are you still [insert something like “living in XYZ city, working at XYZ, still in the XYZ field.”]
  • I know we have not connected in a while but I would love to catch up if you’re interested in getting together…
  • I hope this message finds you in good health and spirits; I was thinking about you the other day…
  • Hey, it’s been ages! Are you up for grabbing a drink and catching up?
  • You have been on my mind lately, and I wanted to catch up and see how things have been for you?
  • Hey [name], remember that time we went to the beach, and the birds chased us down because apparently, the sunscreen we grabbed was actually fruit spray?! OMG, Good times. How have you been?
  • I know we haven’t talked in a while and I know I’m to blame for that. I wanted to first apologize for…

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4.  Be realistic

When reconnecting with someone you use to talk to, it’s vital to have realistic expectations. Don’t assume that once you reconnect, you will be back to being besties like old times. Time has passed. People change. Your reunion may not go as perfectly as you plan.

Don’t expect. Reconnecting with an old friend doesn’t mean you will rekindle back to the best of friends or even friends like old times.

5. Apologize if need be (and don’t expect an apology)

Sometimes friendships ended because of wrong-doings. Address those serious issues, and sincerely apologize if you screwed up.

While you can’t control if someone forgives you, you can say sorry and hope for the best. Apologies can restore friendships.

Additionally, if a friend has hurt you in the past, don’t expect an apology from them or try to force them to apologize.

6. Make plans

Make plans to reconnect and catch up. This can be as simple as asking them if they would like to go out for drinks and provide a date/time to see if they’re free.

People who want to reconnect will put forth an effort. I had an old friend tell me they would be in town and would love to catch up during drinks. I agreed, and we had a wonderful time.

7. See the good in goodbye

I have had many friends. Some lasted, and some did not. Some friends I’ve been able to reconnect with and others I have not. Some have wanted to reconnect, and I did not (I simply didn’t miss their presence).

There are seasons and reasons for friendships. Sometimes you have friends simply because of proximity and common similarities (i.e., such as college friends or work friends). Once that phase of your life is over, you fall out of touch because you no longer share that common similarity.

Be okay with that. Every person is not meant to travel throughout life with you. Be grateful and appreciative of the time you spent together and move forward.

If you reach out, and they don’t respond, or they decline, respect their wishes.

Sometimes you have to see the good in goodbye. Know that goodbye is a gift because it allows you to say hello to new experiences and people.

8.  Just do it.

Life is short. If you miss someone, tell them. If you want to reconnect with someone, tell them.

Ignore all the stories in your head about people not caring, being too busy, or not wanting to reconnect with you before you even try.

The majority of people will be happy that you reached out to them and want to reconnect. Wouldn’t you?

If you have been thinking about reaching out to an old friend for a while but keep putting it off, it’s time to just do it.

A few years ago, a good friend and I grew apart. I wasn’t the best friend to her when she needed me to be, and I missed her dearly. I kept putting it off and figured she didn’t want to hear from me ever again, but finally, I reached out. I sincerely apologized, told her I missed her, and asked if she could forgive me?

I would love to tell you that we became instant besties after that, but we didn’t. It took years to rebuild our friendship back up, but I’m so happy we reconnected. I ended up being a bridesmaid in her wedding and I’m now planning her baby shower for her firstborn. This is all because I simply I reached out to an old friend and who I wanted to reconnect with and genuinely missed.

It’s may not be too late to reconnect with someone you stopped talking to… but first? You must try.

what to say to someone you stopped talking to

I asked some of my friends to give their advice when it comes to how to reconnect with someone you stopped talking to… here’s what they had to say:

Be open and honest with them and really get into what went wrong… like address the issues and go from there. Most friendships can be saved or rekindled by a simple conversation.
-Brandi O’neal

Say something along the lines of “you been on my mind lately” or “you came across my mind”. “How’s everything going, what’s been up?” And then turn that into hitting them up a little more consistently.
-My friend, William Thomas

Be mindful that life runs it’s course during your time a part so don’t expect to interact in the same way you did previously. Approach it as organically as possible starting with pleasantries and being genuinely interested in whatever their state of life is now.
– Jessica Gardner

Say what you feel and let it go from there. Do not force it. Allow things to organically happen.
– Heather

Know that both people just have to feel like it’s worth saving. Never beg people to be in your life. Reach out to see if they’re open to it and if not then respect it. You may have hurt them beyond repair or maybe they don’t value the friendship in the same way you did (or the opposite they valued the friendship more than you did at that time).
-Brandi O’neal

Friendship can sometimes be tricky, but it doesn’t have to be complicated. If someone was a good person and an important part of your life, it’s okay to reach out to them and want to reconnect. Some of my most powerful friendships have come from being open to reconnecting as well as being open to reaching out.

Do you have any advice when it comes to how to reconnect with someone you stopped talking to? Did you reach out to someone you stopped talking to? How was that experience? I would love to know below!

In my next post, I’m sharing how to make new female friends as a grown woman.

Stock images by ShotsByPriiincess

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How to make female friends (as a grown woman)

You’re here because you want to know how to make female friends as an adult. I get it and I’ve been in your shoes before often.

When I was 24 I relocated from Kentucky to Florida. I didn’t know a single soul. Seriously, no family, no friends, no coworkers or classmates… it was just me and my dog, Bailey.

As we get older, I find that friendships can become more difficult especially when you’re trying to make new friends. However, it’s not impossible and doesn’t have to be difficult.

Women are meant to bond. Women are to meant to lift each other up. Women are meant to be connected. I absolutely cherish female friendships and I truly believe they are needed.

Will there be women who want to tear you down and throw shade? Of course, there’s always going be bad friends experiences with friendships, but for the most part, female friendships are essential to my life and I have some of the best women eva’ in my tribe. I don’t take that lightly.

My tips to meeting new female friends (as a grown-ass woman)

Reach out

Most women will be excited if you reach out to them personally. It can be something as simple as “Hey, I saw where you posted you love bacon doughnuts! There’s a new coffee shop near my place and I heard they have the best maple bacon glaze. Would you like to check it out with me?”

Even if she can’t go, she will generally return the favor with a different invite.

… or maybe hanging out seems too much too soon? Why not hit them up and share something personal. My best friend of 21 years became my bestie because she called me in 6th grade to let me know I left my crayon box in her bookbag and just to chat.

We’ve been sister-friends ever since.

Don’t be afraid to put yourself out there, girl.

Be a “yes” girl

When someone invites you to do something, say yes even if it makes you a little nervous! When I moved to Florida, I told myself that I would try one new thing a month. I went parasailing, I raced on racetracks, I danced on tabletops in clubs (sorry, mom!). I allowed myself to experience new things and guess what? I met new people.

Join groups and organizations you enjoy

Join your local gym or studio and take group classes. Join Meet-up and actually go the meetup events. Sign-up for girlfriend social. Become a part of Yelp Elite if your city has one. Attend events around the area. Become apart of organizations such as Urban League Young Professionals (there’s chapters in most big cities). Volunteer. Join local facebook groups. Basically put yourself in the position to actually meet new people with shared interest.

Be open

Ask yourself what you would want in a female friend and become that. Don’t be judgemental. Don’t be mean. Don’t be closed-off. Actually, be open to meeting new people and be enjoyable to be around (no one likes negative-Nancy or bragging-Betty).

How to make female friends


I asked the women from my girl-gang to give their advice when it comes to making friends as an adult…. here’s what they had to say:


Eliminate the beneficial aspects of friendship. Get together because of common interests but not necessarily each other’s ability to reach a goal. Be thorough and encouraging yet set appropriate boundaries.
-My best friend and Ace Boon coon of 21 years… Jessica Gardner.

People often search for commonalities when seeking new friendships. We should Accept people the way they are despite differences. I value the uniqueness within my friendships. None of us are alike which is the beauty of having all of them as friends.

-My sistafriend of 12 years, Trenatee Solomon

Smile… it’s the best first impression and its inviting. Also, every meet up does not have to be out spending money. Chilling at each others house is also spending quality time with each other.

-My girlfrannnn, Shaquonda Baker

Find people you actually have something in common with.

– My girlfrannnn, Brandi O’neal

Just listening goes a long way, sometimes people need your support without the judgement

My girlfrannnn, Heather Fletcher aka heatherfitfoodie

Be honest and let your guard down. It’s hard to make friends when your guard is up and you’re in protection mode

My girlfrannnn, Victoria Roberts

Know yourself and what kind of friends you want to make. It sounds woo woo but I’m a huge believer in the enneagram and personality tests because I know there are some types of people that aren’t healthy for me to be in a relationship. There’s also other ppl that my personality may be toxic for. Female friendships have to be intentional and purposeful in order to thrive. When you know yourself (strengths, flaws, shortcomings, areas of expertise) then you can find friends that compliment you, challenge you, and add value to your life

– My girlfrannnn, Kay Hillman

When it comes to making female friends you have to find places where like-minded women hang out, then show up, be ope and approachable. Then be less interesting and more interested. What I mean is often people show up to impress others instead of getting to know the people in the room. Start a dialogue, ask questions and listen to what’s being shared, not simply so you can respond but to identify similarities and common interests. People or naturally drawn to people like them which fosters organic connections.

– My girlfrannnn, Ebony, Owner of Soulstruck Republic

Be supportive, non judgmental and put yourself in a position to be of service to those you aspire to be like. ? you learn to be supportive of other women and in return you learn so much!

My girlfrannnn, Rosalyn aka poshandpoor

How to make female friends as an adult

How to maintain female friendships

Communication. Communication. Communication.
I can’t say this enough. If your friend makes you made or does something that annoys you to the point where you no longer want to be her friend, please let her know especially if you know she has a good heart.

We’re in a society where people praise cutting people off and not letting the other party know why. I don’t believe in ghosting people, especially those who you have a relationship or friendship with. I think as adults we need to be able to communicate why we no longer want to be someone’s friend or why we are feeling a certain way.

Communicate with your friends and allow them the opportunity to at least address it and/or correct it. If your friend is always 2 hours late to events, tell her. Let her know that it bothers you to the point where you no longer want to hang out with her. Give her an opportunity to change (because believe me, people actually can change).

We’re so quick to forgive our boyfriends, husbands and significant others time and time again when they do things that annoy us but the minute our friend does something we don’t like, we’re quick to cut them off. Don’t be that person.

I have voiced with my friends that if they are upset with me to please let me know. I won’t be mad and all I ask is that they give me an opportunity to explain myself, change or agree its time to part ways. I’m not a mind reader. No one is. Communication saves friendships. Communication keeps friendships.

Having female friends is so important but do you know what’s even better? Being a friend! Giving to others benefits our emotional, physical, spiritual, and mental well-being. And, when we give to our friends – be it our time, attention, love, care – we almost instantaneously boost our energy levels. We feel happier and healthier than before and it evokes a greater sense of gratitude for the people in our lives.

Do you have any advice when it comes to how to make female friends? Share below!

In my next post, I’m sharing how to reconnect with an old friend that you stopped talking to


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